100 Days

James is 100 Days Old today. I can't actually believe it, the last 100 days of my life have been the best and most tiring days of my life. I can't imagine life without him now, he has changed mine and Gareth's lives forever. I was just telling Gareth this morning that I am still playing his birth in my head over and over, not because it was traumatic (it wasn't), but because I still can't believe it. Sometimes I feel like his real parents are going to come and collect him and say thanks for babysitting, I still struggle to believe that I have a baby, my very own baby, and the amount of love that I feel for him I could not describe, its just soooo much. When he smiles at me, my heart just melts, when he pulls his bottom lip to cry, I just want to make it better, when he wriggles his arms and legs all excited to see me, I just want to jump for joy, when he laughs out loud, I want to record it, as it is the most beautiful sound in the world. I feel like I could just stare at him all night. He really is a good sleeper and generally a very happy baby, Gareth and I have been very blessed.

I have to admit that Gareth freaked me out yesterday, and has not quite dropped it today yet. He has suggested that we should try for another baby. WHAT?!? Give me sometime please, I only had my last one 3 months ago. He says that he misses my pregnant belly, that I really glowed. He was only joking..... but still, that was enough to freak me out. (Besides if I had to get pregnant now again then the baby would be due on James's first birthday or Christmas, I think not)

I am having quite a nice weekend, Gareth is being very helpful, but that is because he is sucking up after he was a very naughty boy on Thursday night and is feeling very guilty....hahahahahaha

I have started thinking about what job I want to do when I go back to work, because technically I am not employed anywhere. I am thinking of going back to my job that I was temping at before I had James. They have asked me to come on board permanently and I was very happy there and looked forward to going to work, and the work although interesting was not very difficult. My other option is to look for a job somewhere else, maybe as a PA, as I can earn quite a bit more money, but then money isn't everything, happiness is more important, but the whole reason for me going back to work is to earn money. I need to put James in a nursery so that I can earn money to help make ends meet, but after we have paid the nursery I only walk away with about 200 pounds, so if I take a job where I earn more that would help, but who is to say that I will be happy there? This keeps going round and round in my mind.......

Anyhows, it is Saturday night and I am sitting on the internet. James is sleeping, so I am going to go spend sometime with Gareth...... nightie night.